Having created this blog, and posted over a month ago, I had no idea if anyone would read or care about what I had to say. Now, with views ticking into the hundreds for just one post, I feel some compulsion to continue.

There is a great deal I could talk about – water, apples, collective narcissism, bullshit (what feels like oceans of it) to name a few – and I probably will. But for here and now, today, two things are front of mind.

First, the response of the auditors re the fraud I describe in my first post – the kindest word I can use to describe this response is weak. Click here to read the exchange I had with them.

What disturbs me most of all, in their response and in the actions of staff and Council (that would be the collective narcissism piece, to be returned to later) is the inversion they all display in relation to understanding and acting on their role and responsibilities to the public; they all work for us, to serve us, and we pay for everything – it is our money, our lives, and our rights they are entrusted to safeguard. Yet the whole of the behavior I have seen and experienced shows that they treat this relationship as exactly the opposite of what it ought to be.

Both the CFO (Raj Hayre) and the CAO (Liam Edwards) earn a living from our taxes that place them in the very wealthiest of Canadian wage earners – over $160,000 a year each – yet they both felt entitled to deceive the public about a tax increase that would benefit them personally. Who on earth thinks that that is ok?

For that wage, aren’t we entitled to expect ethical, responsible conduct? Honesty? I think we’re entitled to expect that from every single public service employee (something I have been for most of my working life) and the failure to meet that standard by those at the top, those who lead and direct a staff, is atrocious.

In as far as I can, I actually gave them (the CFO and CAO) the benefit of the doubt, believing some at least of their motivation came from a completely misguided ( and morally indefensible) desire to use money to try and buy off the discontent of staff.

But – that discontent has been there, and been built, over twenty years, since the beginning of the municipality – the staff culture, morale, accountability, performance, all of these things, have been problems for the entirety of this municipal enterprise. And leaders who think it is ok to deceive and disrespect the public to get what they want are not equipped or able to build a better or different culture. They’re certainly not qualified to hold the public trust. Some of that same rot and same processes are there in the conduct of Council. Twenty years in, and there is no credible oversight or ability to manage public service ethically or honestly, or even particularly effectively for the public good. To be returned to.

Second, why have I not enabled or allowed comments? Don’t I care what anyone else thinks or has to say?

W—e—llll. Yes and no. I’m sure many of you are bright, informed, opinionated, concerned, supply whatever adjective best describes you, and many of you no doubt have interesting, valuable, illuminating things to say, or questions to ask. I don’t believe that I alone possess the truth, or understand everything, or would not benefit from engagement with others.

But I cannot right now engage with anyone about any of this, because I cannot bear more pain.

I can’t explain this fully, and it may be difficult or impossible for anyone else to understand, but I need to take care of myself, and not engaging with anyone who might even potentially behave in the ways I have experienced overwhelmingly in the last year plus is what I need to do for right now.

I cannot tolerate or be around or engage with dishonesty, entitlement, manipulators, people who are so second-rate that they believe they have the right to damage other people’s lives to protect themselves or profit, bullshitters, just a range of people who are so busy playing games that it is not possible to engage with them in any healthy, honest, productive way.

Clearly this is not an optimal long-term way to live, life (and people) being what they are, but that is where things stand now. At the same time, I’ll be damned if I let anyone bully me into being a passive and silent victim of their dysfunction. And I’ll be double damned if I let them define and enact unchallenged a vison and future for Bowen that is built and based on exclusion, disrespect, hypocrisy and false claims. Also to be returned to later.